Growing Out of the Moulds

I’m not a very organized person. When I have a parent ask me how to set a routine for their child, my first instinct is to break out in a sweat. I hate the r-word (though no doubt children thrive on routine).

I’m also not extremely efficient. I do better under pressure. When it’s crunch time, I’ll really show up but before that I probably wasted many hours. And forgot to do things because I can be absent-minded and I get overwhelmed easily.

I’m also fat. Or overweight... whatever euphemism you want to use. I’m ok with calling myself fat. I hate exercise (though I keep trying and always will).

I’ve also never been what people call “emotionally stable”- I probably laugh too loud and long, I cry easily, I talk too much, don’t always filter what’s on my mind (though I’m getting better at this one) and I get way too excited about things that don’t really excite many people.

These attributes I’m sharing with you are classic attributes of a “loser” in the dictionary of the world.

All I know is that their opinion doesn’t really seem to be making a difference in my life.

You see, the world has decided that people who are organized, skinny, fast, efficient, quiet and emotionally toned down are “better”.

All these attributes can be positive and empowering for sure but not everyone is going to have them and people who don’t posses them aren’t naturally “less than”.

It’s like saying that an air plane is better than a car because it’s faster, bigger and can transport more people. Each has its own merits and each serves a purpose the other can not.

A vast majority of my work is with mothers. It’s because I’m not, by nature, an overly organized or efficient or fast person is why I can have so much patience with my clients. I’m extremely easygoing and flexible. My clients often cancel on me last minute or reschedule because their child woke up or their baby needs them or their teen has a test he needs help with. None of these delays make me the least bit upset. I’m happy to reschedule.

My work requires a ton of emotional energy. I show up for my children and my clients and my classes with all my heart. I listen actively, stay in the moment, provide empathetic feedback and hold sacred space. This kind of expenditure of emotional energy requires some serious nursing of my own mental health.

If I was devoted to verociously fighting my genetics, my biological clock and giving up my medication that helps me stay afloat, I’d probably be a more ‘desirable’ size.

Everything we do and think about takes up energy. How I choose to spend my thoughts and energy is important to me. It’s a mindful decision.

I may not be super efficient, organized, fast and ‘put together’ but my sensitive heart is big enough to hold and carry the pain of endless hearts. My loud voice is spoken for those who are oppressed and marginalized. My big emotions morphe into empathy and kindness for those who seek me.

I may not fit the mould of “success” that the world has created as if all people are exactly the same, but I’m incredibly grateful to my Creator for how He made me.

But you see, the world doesn’t like this. The world doesn’t like that I love myself. They’d LIKE for me to hate myself because so many of them are breaking themselves everyday to fit that mould. They see someone like me and feel confused and betrayed about how I can like myself without bending over backwards.

I’m sharing this because I want you to look at yourself and know your worth and know that you don’t have to be a certain way to be worthy of love and acceptance. If no one else will give them to you, give them to yourself. You don’t have to check off any check boxes to qualify for worthiness and respect and kindness.

I’m also sharing this to say, I’m the little girl who was always told I’m “too much”.

Too loud. Too talkative. Too sensitive. Too trusting. Too soft.

Well, here I am. Doing what I was made for. Using the attributes the Manufacturer gave me for the task He created me for.

Turns out, we don’t need to make our children small to make them fit the mould. We need to toss the mould away to help our children grow into who they’re meant to be.

Are there some people still making fun of me and laughing at me? Sure!! Are there people who roll their eyes at me? Sure!! Does it hurt? Sometimes. A little bit. Does it make a difference to me? Absolutely not. Not unless I allow it.

And I won’t allow it. I’m no one to put down the design of the Divine. Even if it’s myself.